How to Show Up As Yourself
I know those jitters you’re feeling.
You’re about to speak on a panel, give a presentation, enter an audition room, or go in for an interview.
You’re getting ready to enter a pressure-filled performative situation.
You want to succeed—give the most insightful answers, crush the presentation, book the role, land the job.
You want to show up as the very best version of yourself.
But how do you get there?
There’s a myth that says, “If I am not charismatic, or grounded, or if I get anxious, I can’t control it or change it. That’s just who I am.”
It’s not true.
There is a way to prepare for high-stakes performances that lets you bring the energy and show up authentically—but it’s not the way you might think.
Prepare to Be Yourself
Most people prepare for a big performative event the way they would for a big exam. They memorize their resume and facts about the company, review their slides ad nauseam, and go over their lines until the words become stale. They cram information into their brains, but they don’t actually prepare to show up.
I created the E.X.P.O.S.E. Tool to help you tap into your confidence and authenticity. In high-stakes situations, we often feel like we have to be someone we’re not. This tool will teach you to stay connected to who you actually are. Because that person has wonderful insights and experiences to share.
Use The E.X.P.O.S.E. Tool on the day of the big event or even 5-10 minutes before entering the room:
EXperience
Notice your current situation. Take stock of where you are right now. What’s happening for you physically? Emotionally? Try not to judge whatever comes up, simply pay attention. If a practical need arises, like feeling hungry, thirsty or feeling your lips are chapped, it’s okay to handle it. Take a few moments to check in with where you are right now.
Presence
Presence goes beyond simply “showing up.” Presence = purpose + posture.
First, connect to your purpose. Why are you here? Why is this important to you? When nerves come up, remembering your “why” can remind you that this moment matters and encourage you to move forward.
Presence is also about your physicality. Take a moment to notice your posture. Is your body communicating how you feel about what you’re going to speak about? If you’re passionate about the subject, are you expressing that physically?
Anxiety or fear can create postures that close you off and increase your stress level. Are you hunched over? Shoulders down? Trying to be small? Try to expand your body; adjusting your physicality can actually change the way you’re feeling (for a deeper dive, the Alexander Technique is a great framework for inhabiting your body).
Openness (and Oxygen)
Get curious about the experience you’re about to have. Are you attached to a certain outcome, or could you be open to something else happening?
If you feel the impulse to control the situation, keep in mind that things could go differently than you hope—and that might be a good thing. There are possible outcomes you haven’t imagined yet.
Being open also means breathing freely and bringing enough oxygen into your lungs. Take a moment to check in with your breath. Stress often causes us to clench our abdominal muscles, which makes it harder to breathe deeply. Release your tummy and feel the air rush in. Right away, you may feel more comfortable and relaxed.
Self-Talk
Take a minute to be radically encouraging to yourself. Be your own best cheerleader! If positive self-talk doesn’t come naturally, start with one of these prompts:
I love my work, and I’m excited to share what I’m doing.
I’m stoked to help people understand this issue that’s so important to me.
I revel in being seen and heard; I’m looking forward to sharing my ideas.
Go big with your self-talk—it’s just inside your brain after all! Tap into your truth (self-talk works best when you believe it) and pump it up a little bit. Reflecting on your “why” can also spark some positive conversation with yourself.
Empathy
Empathy is a two-way street. If you’re feeling nervous, be empathetic towards yourself and remember that it’s okay to feel nervous; it means that you care. Accept the presence of any nerves and know that you can still take action that’s meaningful to you.
Extend empathy to your audience, too. You might be the 15th person they’ve interviewed or the 35th pitch they’ve seen today. If your audience seems low-energy, don’t assume they’re disinterested and try not to take it personally. Reminding yourself to consider others’ experiences can give you some distance and beneficial perspective.
The E.X.P.O.S.E. Tool is a great way to prepare for any important, public-facing event, and it’s a tool my clients revisit again and again.
When the stakes are really high, some women seek one-on-one support, accountability, and extra guidance. If you’re curious about how coaching can help you use your voice and own your value at work, email me at malika@centerforwomensvoice.com to schedule a free discovery session.
With love and respect,
Malika
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